Vocabulary Void

The irony of me is this:

I write for a living, but I can't communicate even if my life depended on it.

Conjuring paragraphs was always easy until it involved emotions.

Thus, I tried poetry.

I tried to the point that my pens broke down the way I broke down.

'Least I found something that empathized,

No someone ever did.

There were common appreciations

but connections, none.

I loved and wept and rotted inside.

To this day, I don't know if those are really the right words.

None of them left my mouth carrying the things at the back of my mind

or that at the tip of my tongue.

What's the word for this? What's the word for that?

No thesaurus or vocabulary ever gave me answers.